i honestly don't know what this place is supposed to be for me but i like to think it's just a place where i can be online, anonymous, and by myself.
you can listen to this while ur reading about a total stranger lol.
some things to know about me:
Well, things are going to shit. There's not much to say about my life. I don't know if anyone would even bother to read this on this anonymous site lol but I think it helps with having something as a form of release, I guess. One could also make the argument "dude, just keep a private diary?" okay what I have to say to that is... Do you think I haven't tried that already? I've been diary-ing since grade seven and it did serve its purpose at the time but now that I'm grown, I think it's just been lackluster. It's not as if I don't like being a diarist anymore (can I even call myself that?), I just think that I need more than a journal or a diary to keep my sanity in check.
And let me tell you, when I went to see a guidance counselor about my impending doom in my academics, after I poured out all my thoughts and feelings and how it's all affecting my performance and stress, all she said was: "I see. Have you tried journaling?" GIRL- I almost laughed in her face. You can't outdo the doer. I've been journaling/keeping a diary since early high schoo. Does she want to see the stacks of filled pages with all eight of my journals/diaries? I swear, I felt like I was being bamboozled by the system but I suppose she was just doing what she thought was good for me. I only went to her every Tuesday for like two months and I just stopped having appointments with her. I think it wasn't really helping, plus she did emphasize at our very first meet that she "wasn't a therapist" and "couldn't be able to help in that way". Okay, then what is the absolute point of me going here? Anyway, it didn't really alleviate anything or lessen my anxiety about literally everything in my messed up life. I appreciate her effort though.
So, I just came back to this online site 11 months after making it. Honestly, I had no idea what my intentions were when I was first making a neocities blog. I just saw a tutorial on pinterest and wanted to try and see if I can make one myself. Sure enough, I could. To be honest, the process of creating this website just took me back to elementary school when our computer teacher first taught us how to do basic code using HTML and the Notepad application. I remember being pretty proud of myself back then, especially since I was never really the techy type. I'm still not. I still don't know how an APK works or how to "install mods" - and all of this is coming from a Gen Z, reputably the generation "born with the internet". But honestly, the way I was raised was pretty 90's with the CD's, Walkmans, flip phones, the fact that you had to adjust the antenna in weird ways and bash the box TV to no end, just hoping and praying that the static would clear... at least enough until the next episode of Rugrats.
Okay, I have no idea what I'm honestly doing. I think I just rant and go on and on here. Anyways, I think that's all I have the energy for. It's currently 1:32 AM. I have no intentions of sleeping soon but I need to. Shit's been crazy man. Bye I'm Audi.